Truth be told

I'm going to take this moment and backtrack a little bit, return to the origin of things.

About 1 year and 2-ish months ago I started this blog. Normally I'd be giving the exact numbers, but that's not on my mind this time (a relief?). I'll go ahead and give you the facts now, so that further confusion might be avoided:
This entry will not contain any information about recent events that might've occurred here in Japan, but rather what is on my mind right now.

That is in essence the reason I started writing here, a way to let my thoughts and feelings take shape in letters and words, and a great way to feed my ego by letting other people read this and agree that I am pretty awesome.

I quite quickly lost my way though. Now all I've been doing is writing exactly what I'm doing or have done recently, unoriginal for sure, but the information is also interesting (for some).
This entry is a way to look back at my roots, relieve me of this nostalgia, and have a good time.

Writing here has been an experience. At first trying out my wings, find the right pace. Then finding an upwind from where I could just stretch out my limbs and glide upon the current.
As you can tell, I'm all about the metaphors right now (yeaah, dude).

The root of things is key here, as all my brain seems to be doing is searching back to why things are like this, how this all came to be. Sometimes it's all obvious to me, this lead to that which lead to that other thing and then the chicken crossed the road. At other times, it's all in a veil, part of a concept I am simply too young to understand.

I've matured at a fast rate these last months (this year, even?), which might be the reason for my mind's apparent origin-research. However, thoughts and feelings are not entirely intertwined, of that I am sure (otherwise things would not be as fun). Thus, I still need to come up with a reason, an origin of these feelings.
It should be pretty obvious by now, of course.


I've been going back and forth in the amounts of honesty I've shown on this blog. During this long time, I've gotten lots and lots of new secrets to keep, making me feel dishonest to my readers but reliable to my friends. I've also seen many new things, like the different effects honesty can have, sometimes good, sometimes bad. There's also the factor of my current opinion, feelings, laziness and other details. Either way, I try to be as honest as can be.
Try being the keyword.

I have lots to say about trying, everyone does. All the time we hear the words "you should at least try" and in some cases "just try your best and have fun".

Trying my best has never made sense to me, in a way. "best" as a word is actually quite confusing when you think too much about it (thinking too much used to be my specialty, as well as thinking too little. Paradox much?).
I don't want to try my best, it's such a pain if it doesn't go well. I always keep a little bit of energy to ensure that not all is lost in case I fail.
It's probably (partially) thanks to that nature that I've managed to get here. Failures cause me so much pain and regret, if I didn't keep any reserves, I would just despair and lose myself at the very first failure.
Yes, people do fail, all the time (there's a blog dedicated to it). It's hilarious, it's sad, it's life.

However, I always try, make no mistake of that.
I try to improve my Japanese, I try to mature as a person, I try to gain more friends and confidence. And I really did try keeping my very first relationship, so no regrets there.

Alright, this is what it all summed up to. The reason I write about origins and trying, thoughts and nostalgia, honesty and failures. This is what I'm trying to say.

My very first girlfriend broke up with me back on Saturday. There are a lot of things I could elaborate upon that with, I could grant details. Like reasons, thoughts, feelings and overall whining.

But I won't. I believe this is the line I set when talking about my personal life here.
Or well, the line I set when I've had a few days of thinking, gotten to chat with a few people, kept a few secrets and recently had two cups of tea and two bars of chocolate.
And I feel good about it.

Since now I only miss you, friend.

This Rainbow Can't Fly

My titles have ever so slowly moved from slightly related to the subject matter at hand to the weirdest stuff I can come up with right before writing, I should improve that.

To use slight profanity: Well, damn. It has already been two weeks since my last yadda yadda yadda (it feels weird using that expression now that I know what "yadda" means and I'm fully aware of how poorly it fits as an expression in that manner) and today makes 108 blah blah blah 15 weeks a derp derp derp.

The last two weeks have been pretty darn bad. After getting back to school on Tuesday, things continued normally. But it was all quickly interrupted by me becoming sick (just a cold, calm down) on Friday, for an entire week.

I had felt pretty bad about taking Monday off, getting one week of sick leave did not make me feel any better about it. But it all kept going down from there.

The very same day I had fallen ill I got to know my girlfriend had been hurt and was in a worse shape than me (though she recovered quickly, thank god). Being all the way over here and unable to properly comfort her, I felt like a horrible boyfriend (and I have yet to make up for it, gah!)

That thing plus the fact that I was more or less limited to a house with very little to do except sleeping (in a cold room), while also at first not being trusted by my host family (they thought I was just avoiding school until they had me go to a hospital for a checkup. You might have heard of my fear of hospitals.) Made me feel more homesick than ever before (or not exactly homesick, just an incredibly strong desire to be where my girlfriend is, which happens to be Sweden).


Wow, this entry seems so depressing, I should probably counter with some happy stuff before you all think I'm emo or something (and that would be simply awful!).

Today was a really good day, back in school and all.

Which brings me to a funny story.

The very same day I got back to school (last week's Friday), the entire 11th grade was sent home due to severe cases of the flu. So I got myself a full weekend plus a red day on Monday, awesome. The awesomeness started instantly as Truls and I went to Shibuya (school is like 20 minutes on a train from Shibuya) since we had gotten time on our hands anyway (we were sent home in the beginning of lunch break). In Shibuya I found the perfect store to buy Christmas presents in (no spoilers though). However, I did not have enough money to go wild with so instead I bought something I had needed myself for a while (a mug, the most awesome one ever. Pictures some other time) and promised myself to return later.

I've also managed to become great friends with Santtu and I'll be joining him on his shopping spree before he returns home to Finland. Which gives me a great opportunity to buy the other kind of Christmas presents (the cool kind). He also showed me that there is a Hard Off in Machida (the store chain I bought my awesome electric guitar in. Said guitar is also up for name suggestions, by the way).

Another fun thing to mention is that the local supermarket often has sales on candy (chocolate in particular), making shameless export of Pocky (and other sweets) a much cheaper effort.

Friday did actually host another positive event. During the short recess before homeroom would start and we would be given the fateful announcement, I was sitting in my seat (number 2 from the back, next to the windows. Kyon's) playing Pokemon on my DSi (I actually happened to beat the pokemon league just today, on the first try). When the two girls who sit in front and behind me, took out their DS' (pronounced: "dee-ess-ess", it's plural) and started having fun in pictochat.

On a brave impulse, I saved & exited pokemon and joined their chatroom.

Long story short: I now have two new friends, that I can easily talk to every day.

Awesome.


Now, this would probably be the best time to write that class schedule I promised about 10 weeks ago, or that diary entry I wrote 6 weeks ago. Or tell the story of the trip to Hakone I made 2 weeks ago.

But no.

Miss you so dearly.
I also miss the rest of you, in unequal amounts.
More to come (at some point).

Something Musical

So I'm writing this in the dining room in my new host family, as it is the only place where internet works, but that might just be good for me.

I'm also writing this at 15.08 on a Monday, which is 12 minutes before school ends, this in only possible because I, actually, did not go to school today. I'm justifying this by having been stressed out lately, by adapting to a new family, being confused by the long distance train rides to school, International Week demanding a lot of my attention as well as the speech on International Day proving to be a nightmare, followed by not being able to sleep on the Sunday due to a trip to Hakone, which was very far away plus incredibly exhausting, albeit interesting and that I have taken on the mission of cooking dinner for 12 people today.

So I hope all of that is good enough reason to take one single day off (and I pray I'll never have to again), I'm also doing chores at home during this time anyway, since I finally have the time to get things done.

So what has happened in a week, you wonder? Let's begin by describing the new host family.

So as I said, the host parents are old and the father is American. There are in total 6 students living here, 3 of them being exchange students: Nuri (Korean, the sempai), Santu (Finnish, was apparently in the same car as me the day I arrived in Japan, though I was so insanely tired at that time so I had no recollection of the event) and me (Swedish, writing this blog). The other 3 are Japanese University students: Yunsuke, Name-I-Forgot and Maho, two guys and one girl in total.

Though I've only Maho once, yesterday. She's very busy, they tell me.

The house is very nice, lots of space and everyone has their own room, with a private bathroom, fridge and microwave (awesome). Breakfast is on the table from 6.00 and contains fruits, cereals and toast bread (awesome again), sometime my breakfast is eaten in loneliness, sometimes in company (it depends). Dinner is served at 19.30 and everyone eats together (though the Japanese students are usually a tad late, Maho never eats dinner with us) and the food is either some interesting Japanese cuisine or one of the exchange students' cooking. Also, this family has loads of English tea, free to be drunk at any time (more awesome).

There are only two downsides with the new host family; the distance to school is pretty far, so it takes about 1 1/2 hours by train to get to school (during rush hour, so no seats for me). It's also in a quite off location, so I need to transfer 3 times (still during rush hour, mind you).

The other downside is not nearly as alarming, but the house is located far up on a steep hill, requiring a harsh treck uphill when returning home (also, the nearest store is at the base of the hill). But there are several positive aspects of the hill to take in mind: Itsumo No Fuukei can make the entire hillclimb a fun procedure and going up a steep hill at least once a day (plus the usual 20 minute walk to school from the station) is probably going to improve my stamina. Also, it's easy to get to the station every morning, since walking downhill marginally minimizes the time it would take if the house had been located on flat ground.

International Week was fun, though it didn't really get started before the Wednesday. The activities on the Monday were delayed until Thursday because more than 100 students in the tenth grade had been ordered to stay home due to another flu outbreak, and the Tuesday was a national holiday (I slept).
But Wednesday was fun, a lot of my classes were canceled and instead I got to do things like introduce myself to students in an English class (and I noticed that I could now make a detailed introduction of myself with ease, as opposed to the trouble I had months earlier) and watch a performance by Indian dancers/drummers.

Thursday was even better, as we had a delayed Halloween event that day. Each of the exchange students were given candy of a different kind and the Japanese students were charged with the task of finding all of us and getting a piece of candy, those who had the complete set were given even more candy.
By the end of the day, I had more than half of my candy left in my hat (yes, I was giving it out of my hat, obviously). I could have rightfully gone home with all that candy and said that it was "their loss" that most students hadn't gotten any, but I decided not to. Instead I trotted through the corridors, handing candy to every person I met. The multitude of "ありがとう"'s and "thank you"'s I received made it totally worth it.

Friday was also plenty fun, the first two lessons were free and therefore spent in the library, alternating between chatting with Truls & Amanda and reading in a copy of Norweigan Wood I had found (it's an interesting book).

During lunch hour, we exchange students were supposed to have a basketball match against the 10th year's girl team (yeah, I'm not sure why either), It wasn't that fun to play and not really worth losing the time to eat for, but I did what the teachers requested and got a laugh out of watching the (very tall) German visitor students more or less hand the ball to each other, far above the girls' heads.

Later, Friday took a turn for the awesome when my Japanese teacher gave me a Dreamcast.
Just like that.
She said that since her son had stopped using it and I'd told her I liked games, I could have it. I was not one to complain. She did say, however, that it was a little broken. But after looking at the console myself, I doubt it is something I can't ask one of my friends to fix (especially if I bribe him with some goods from Japan).
To make this story even more amusing, imagine my surprise when I found this article the very same day I had been given the console. Coincidence must be laughing out loud.

Despite what you might think, International day was also great fun, despite my speech being horrible. The entire event was interesting, it started out with seven Japanese students giving speeches in a speech competition (in English), despite some difficulties it was interesting to hear what they had to say. After that we were treated some performances by the German and Thai visitors and a speech by a Japanese film director (though I have no idea of what she said). Then it was my turn.
My speech wasn't all that bad, they told me, the content was interesting. Really, it's mostly me beating myself up, knowing that I could do so much better. I'll just try to describe how it went for you:
I probably broke all of the rhetorical rules, I had my eyes stuck on my paper all the time as I could not remember a single word to save my life, I was also more or less bent of the table, barely showing my face while talking. I also had no proper pace whatsoever in my speech, along with stopping a few times, forgetting where I was and having to take a few incredibly embarrassing seconds to find where I had lost myself.
So yeah, more or less everything that could have, went wrong with that speech. But I made it and I haven't developed any stage fright because of it. Rather the opposite, as I asked if I could make a speech in English at some point in the future, just to show that I could do better (sadly, there was no possibility for me to do so, I'll have to do something like it when I get home I guess).

Seems like there was a lot more to tell than I had imagined, I've been writing for over an hour now and I'm far from finished in retelling all events, I'm going to have to stop here in order to have some time over for my chores. Be back as soon as possible, miss you.

No, don't mention it

Right, so where do I begin?

...

Random statements! (With risk of being repetitive).

Some weeks ago, the entire 10th grade was shut down and not allowed to go to school due to the flu, they came back a few days later though, but now 10-4 has been shut down again. I'm completely fine though, don't worry.

My host family arranged a little takoyaki (fried octopus) party for me, they apparently forgot about my dislike of all things marine (except turtles, those things are totally cool, though I wouldn't eat them either). But it was fine, I got a beef steak when I told them. The guests were nice too, just three people; Terui-san and two of my host mother's nice friends that I had met at the BBQ party before moving in (did I ever write about that?), I never got around learning their names though. One of them actually gave me a bunch of presents! They were all Pokemon-based. Pokemon pens, a Pikachu cellphone pocket, a Pikachu cellphone strap, a fabric Pikachu with a balloon in it (I don't really know what it's for), a Pokemon towel and Pokemon tissues (kind of an odd present but sure).

This party lasted until 23.00 in the evening and I actually had quite fun telling people about Sweden and stuff, though I had to use a lot of English. Then my host family decided to give Terui-san a ride home, there was just a slight problem in their logic with that; Terui-san lives in the other end of the City, and it didn't help that my host father took the wrong turn three times on the highway, resulting in massive delays. All in all the car ride took 2 1/2 hours, I was quite tired afterwards.
But I was fine with it, I got to see Tokyo Tower, with the lights on! It was simply fabulous.

One week later, my host family took me to a Halloween party (on the 24:th...), it was awful.
For some reason they thought that I would like to spend an evening in a darts bar, where the air was so full of smoke that I nearly suffocated and the other people there were at the very least 22 years old and drunk like a glass of water in the Sahara desert. To make things worse, I had not been given anything to eat before we left for the party and didn't get my dinner before 22 o'clock in some random restaurant while on the way home with my drunken host family (it was ten times worse than new years eve!).


Time for some happier news again. I've finally joined a club! The manga club has meetings every Monday and Wednesday and the members are really nice, we talk about manga and anime and games (in Japanese! I've gotten better).
Though since the manga club really is a manga club and not the Genshiken or anything, I feel kind of bad for not being able to contribute (my drawings are awful) and I'm nowhere near the level where I could translate my story ideas into Japanese. I'll have to find a way to truly earn my place as a member eventually.

I've also started talking a bit more to people in general, all thanks to the Thai exchange student イフ (I have no idea how to spell her name except for in Katakana), who started talking to me. After having nearly one whole hour of Japanese conversation with her, I got the courage to speak up a bit more in general. My goal of finding people to go to karaoke with is suddenly not so impossible anymore.

Next week is International Week in my school (that's Myojo's "thing" I guess), there are going to be lots of activities and I'll get to meet even more students from around the world (though they'll only be staying for that one week). The Saturday of International Week is called International Day and is the most special day of the whole week, I'll be making a speech about peace, in front of the whole school, in Japanese (boy does that sound familiar). I practiced on my speech today, despite sounding weird, most people could understand what I said, I just need to speak very slowly.

I'm going to change to a new host family tomorrow.

Finally! I can't believe it's already over, thank god (notice the lack of a capital G).

Oh right, tomorrow is also going to mark me having spent twelve weeks in Japan (I passed 25% a number of days ago), 84 days man. Time moves onward with incredible speed here (at least I hope it's because of the location, otherwise it means I must be growing old).

Back to the host family thingie. Back on Monday I was informed that I would move to a pair of old people living in the same area as the family before this one, I wasn't really thrilled but I figured anything would be better than this. However, yesterday I got to know that they had suddenly changed their mind and could not house me (second time that happens, I must truly be cursed with inconvenience when it comes to host families).
Instead I will be moving to a family where the host father is American and the house is really big, they already keep two exchange students and a number of Japanese university students there. One of those students is one of my former "sempais" from the Japanese language school. Sounds like my new family is going to be awesome.

That's about all I can remember to write about at the moment, now for something entirely else.

I have been thinking for some time whether to upload a picture of myself in my current state, in case people were curious as to how I might have changed in the last two (almost three, actually) months. Due to the request of a family member, I will now do just that.
Here's a picture taken with my computer's built-in camera (it's pretty spiffy, I could actually use it as a webcam if I so wished).

I really like my black T-shirt with gray stripes, thanks mom!

And that's all for today, folks. You bet I miss you.